Short Update

    This is gonna be a short update on my life as I'm going to bed very soon. I've been really sleepy today since I went to sleep late last night, replaying Final Fantasy VI which I used to play as a child, and I didn't have a nap at all during the day.

    Anyway, it's been quite sometime since my last post. I've just been drained by people, I guess, so, I just really rest at the weekends, I don't do much else. I wish I could say my life's great, but it's not, it's fine, it's better than before (I need to be thankful for what I've got), I think, it's lonely and mundane most of the time, but there's something about that, that I like.

    Speaking of what I've got, I got the Fendi mirror clutch bag sometime ago. To be completely honest, I wasn't super excited about it (still am not), partly because it was a poor financial decision, and I planned to sell it, but then I thought, it might come in handy as a evening bag for someone like me who prefers big bags and don't have many small bags, so, I'm keeping it.

    What I was unexpectedly excited about (still am) is, my new Balenciaga Part Time bag. Okay, hear me out. I was planning to get another Balenciaga Motorcycle bag in rose berlingot. It is such a beautiful colour, it's the perfect bubblegum pink for me but sadly, I couldn't find either a City bag or a Part Time bag in that colour, the only one I could find is a Mini City, at RM3,500, which is too much for me a small bag. What made me even less keen on buying that bag is the seller, she's not friendly.

    While I was eyeing that bag, I saw another bag, a Part Time bag in gris glace and I don't know why but I felt like it was calling me. The price was acceptable: RM1690. At first I had a plan to get it painted in pink but after I bought it, it started growing on me and now I just love it as it is. Although it was an impulse purchase, it's one of the best purchases I've ever made. I'm so glad I got it.

    Also, I actually ordered the Versace Goddess T-shirt (the price dropped from RM3,600 to about RM600!) sometime around this month and I've been waiting for it because the delivery's been painfully slow but the good news is, I should receive it by tomorrow and I just can't wait to see it. I hope it'll come in a Versace box with a ribbon!

    So, that should be all my luxury buys this year. Now I just wanna save money so I could have that financial security blanket and the peace of mind that it brings.

Reflection, Reflection

    When I took out the rubbish just now, I felt a wave of sadness washed over me. It's been less than a year since I moved here and more than four years since the last time I spoke to Shorty but it feels like a lifetime ago, the memories feel so, distant.

    My first proper job was at a clothing shop as a shop assistant. I worked six days a week, some days from the morning until the evening, some days from the afternoon until the night, some days the whole day, for about six months and if my memory serves me correctly, I made, more or less, RM2,400 a month. Back then, it felt like a lot but in hindsight, it wasn't. It wasn't worth it, you weren't allowed to sit at all, you had to stand all day, serve rude customers, work with orang kampung dan rempit and you only got one day off. I'm so, so glad I got outta that place.

    Fast forward to seven years later, I did my internship at this property development GLC which I call Syok Sendiri Sdn Bhd because they really are self-indulgent. I was given an allowance of only RM800 per month and I honestly don't know how I survived with that little amount of money, for three months. After I completed my internship, I got my second proper job there. I earned only RM2,700 monthly. Looking back, it wasn't worth it either, I had to do countless work while working with a backstabbing assistant manager and serving incompetent, unappreciative manager but I had no choice so I had to stay there for a year. I'm so, so glad I got outta that place as well.

    I quitted my job without securing another job so I was desperately scrambling for a job. I ended up having to work at this scammy recruitment agency, for only about two months because of the obvious reason: it was a scam. They only paid me for the first month, in the second month, with EPF, SOCSO and EIS deductions but those deductions are nowhere to be found, lol and they haven't paid me for the second month so they owe me about RM3,000. I'm so, so glad I got outta that place too because I don't like the area and the people there.

    Two months later, I was offered my third proper job which is my current job. I wouldn't say I love my job but it's better than my previous jobs. It's less toxic and I like the arrangement. I don't know how long I'm gonna stay here but I hope I'll be here for at least two years, at most three years. My salary is less than RM4,000 and I wish it was at least RM4,000 so I wouldn't have to work with a tight budget. I hope by the time I become a senior executive, it'll increase to at least RM5,000, then RM5,400 which is twice the amount I earned for my second proper job. It'd be career milestone for me.

    Before I end this post and go to bed, a few nights ago, I talked to someone about Shorty, who among all my exes, I loved the most. I think I've moved on but I still think of him and miss him sometimes. I wonder how he's doing, if he thinks of me too. I wish we were still together. We would've been great but I can't make someone to love me and be with me. Also, I've just realised, with the closure of Skype, all our memories were erased. I've been looking for someone like him and I don't know if I'd ever find that person or someone better than him, if there ever is.

I Wish I Could Have Seven Days' Paid Holiday

    So I could just, really rest and sort things out until I'm ready to face the world again but for now, I'm so, so tired. I'm not sure what's been keeping me going, maybe a sense of responsibility, maybe a fear of not having money, maybe both of them. I know God's been lending His strength to me but sometimes I just wanna fall on my knees and break down because it can be too much at times. I do so much work I lose count but I'm paid less than RM4,000. If only my salary was RM5,000, maybe I wouldn't feel as bad