Corporate World

    Okay, malam ni, aku nak cakap pasal benda lain, bukan pasal boots Versace tu even though I am counting the days I'm gonna get them.

    Anyway, malam ni, aku nak cakap pasal corporate world (walaupun aku ada kerja nak kena buat). Aku tak nak kata alam pekerjaan macam ni sebab aku cuma pernah kerja dalam bidang corporate dan retail je.

    Dalam corporate world ni, kau kena banyak bermuka - muka dan gigit lidah. It's not you being fake, it's actually you being professional. Kalau kau tak biasa bermuka - muka, kau akan cepat penat. Yalah, setiap hari, kau kena senyum. Kalau muka kau masam, orang akan buat macam - macam cerita pasal kau. Ya, dalam corporate world ni, ada banyak backbiting. Depan kau, diaorang senyum, belakang kau, diaorang tarik muka, kutuk kau.

    Aku tahu, dekat tempat kerja aku, ada orang tak suka aku and they don't need to tell me they don't like me, aku tengok cara diaorang pandang aku, aku dah tahu. Aku tak kisah pun pasal diaorang. Seriously, I could care less about them. Kalau tiba - tiba ada berita diaorang sakit, masuk hospital ke apa, aku takkan rasa apa, aku takkan rasa syok (maybe a bit), aku takkan rasa terkejut sebab aku memang tak nak ambil tahu pasal diaorang.

    Nevertheless, aku tak nafikan, I do get affected by them to a certain extent. Aku pun manusia je, aku pun ada perasaan. Bila aku ternampak diaorang jeling dekat aku ke apa, aku pun menyampah, like, apa masalah kau? Sometimes, I get so annoyed, walaupun aku masih boleh senyum, aku tak nak cakap dengan siapa - siapa, aku nak bersendirian.

    Nonetheless, macam aku cakaplah, kau tak boleh react, kalau tak, nanti orang nampak kau yang problem, bukan diaorang yang problem. Tak sampai setahun lagi aku kerja sini tapi aku dah burnt out. Entahlah, mungkin tempat kerja aku ni yang toxic. The only thing that motivates me to keep going is money so I can get those Versace boots and other things that I want.

    To those yang dalam corporate world ni, stay strong and to those yang baru nak masuk corporate world ni, especially yang dekat university, buckle up.

A Cold, Lonely Night in the City

    It's 11:33 pm and I've just woken up from my nap. I had to take one right after I came home from work because I had a long night last night so I was drained the whole day today.

    Anyway, I noticed there are other people looking at the Versace boots so I'm really hoping by the end of next month, they'll still be available and I'll get them.

    Also, the other day, I went to visit my optometrist and there was a pair of Prada sunglasses that instantly caught my attention. The price is about, after discount, RM1400++. I'm planning to get them, maybe by the end of March and turn them into glasses. Again, I'm really hoping they'll still be available by the time I'm gonna buy them.

Envy II

    So, aku ada nampak seorang lelaki ni pakai Loewe T-shirt with the pixelated anagram dan Prada T-shirt with the logo plaque dekat Instagram and it just made something burn in me. I'd never been a big fan of Loewe and Prada but when I saw him wearing them, I was like, I wanna wear them too. Just so you know, dia senanglah beli semua tu sebab dia doctor (aku ingat dia sugar baby, lol, but who knows), aku ni, kais pagi, makan pagi, kais petang, makan petang.

    Benda ni buat aku lagi bersemangat nak simpan duit untuk dapatkan boots dan T-shirt Versace tu. Aku bukan nak kejar status ke apa ye, I just wanna fulfill my childhood dreams. Aku rasa aku pernah cerita dalam blog ni, aku datang daripada keluarga yang susah. Dulu, aku boleh tengok je luxury brands ni, tak terlintas langsung dalam fikiran aku yang satu hari nanti aku pun boleh dapat benda - benda ni.

    Mungkin ada orang akan kata, 'kau dah ada kasut Gucci, tak cukup lagi ke?' Bagi aku, tu pemberian orang, aku nak beli dengan duit dan usaha aku sendiri dan macam aku pernah kata sebelum ni, Versace is the ultimate brand for me. I can have all the luxury brands: Alexander McQueen, Balmain, Saint Laurent but I still won't be satisfied until I get Versace.

    Mak aku pernah cakap dekat aku, 'Blue, simpan duit, kumpul luxury brands pula, tak payahlah beli H&M ke, Zara ke.' Abang aku pun ada cakap dekat aku, 'sementara Blue tak de commitment apa, enjoy lah.' I agree with them, I've already got way too many non-luxury brands clothes and shoes, it's time for me to level up.

PS Aku pernah mimpi aku berkawan dengan Cassie Thorpe dan Alyssa Lenore lepas tu aku keluar dengan diaorang, naik kereta dengan diaorang, lol.

Envy

    Envy is a normal emotion to experience when you see something that someone else has and you want it too but what's not normal is when you try to take away that thing from that person or you try to bring down that person.

    Anyway, hari tu, aku nampak seorang acquaintance aku ni post story dekat Instagram, buat gift exchange/surprise Santa dengan co-workers dia (ugh, menyampah, Melayu, Islam tapi buat celebrate Christmas). Lepas tu, dalam story tu, aku nampak satu kotak Versace. Besar jugalah so it could either be a bag or a pair of shoes and I selfishly felt so annoyed, like, why? Why him? Why not me?

    Sigh. Aku tak pasti aku pernah mention ke tak dalam blog ni yang aku cuma dengki dengan someone kalau dia ada Versace, bukan semualah but the things that I like and want. Versace is the ultimate brand for me. Sejak aku tengok show dia fall/winter 2010 masa aku dekat sekolah dulu, I became enamoured with it. The Medusa head, the Greek motif (I love Greek mythology), it just hits the spot for me dan walaupun kadang - kadang design dia hit or miss, it's still got that charm.

    Masa dulu, aku boleh berangan jelah. Not saying sekarang aku dah mampu tapi aku bolehlah simpan duit untuk capai impian aku yang terbuku dalam hati bertahun - tahun, lebih daripada sedekad.

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    Semalam, aku mimpi aku dapat beg ke kasut Versace, aku tak berapa ingat.

    Anyway, aku plan nak beli flats Ferragamo untuk birthday mak aku bulan September nanti. It doesn't feel right to me I wear Gucci while my mum wears Bata and I've always wanted to adorn my mum with luxury brands.

    At the same time, I still want the Versace boots and T-shirt and I'm really hoping I'll get them.

Uninterested & Unexcited

    So, this is my first time spending the weekend at my new place and I like it because it's calmer here compared to the previous place since there are less people here but the downsides are, there are no nearby shops, eateries and launderettes.

    Anyway, I've been feeling very lonely for quite sometime now and I haven't found anyone who can make me feel better. I know some people might not agree with this but I just want companionship. I'm a relationship person and it's tough to be single here, when you're far from your family.

    Also, I wish someone would say to me,  'here, take this RM3,500 and buy those Versace boots you've been eyeing for more than two years.'

    By the way, I don't know why lately I've been feeling uninterested in and unexcited about everything.  I used to be enthusiastic but now, I feel like I've got to drag myself to do anything.

The First Day at Work in 2024

    Hari ni hari pertama aku dekat tempat kerja pada tahun 2024 and it's been a crappy day. What a bad way to start a new year. Aku rasa macam orang tak suka aku dan walaupun aku tak kisah pun, benda ni buat aku jadi tak bersemangat nak kerja dan aku rasa macam nak marah dan menangis and I just wanna be alone. On top of that, ada seorang makhluk ni buat aku geram, duduk jual mahal dengan aku.

    Anyway, aku ada benda nak cakap sikit. Okay, aku tak bangga langsung aku ada kerja (kalau gaji aku tinggi, mungkinlah) tapi aku tak rasa kesian langsung dekat orang yang buat berlagak dengan aku dulu dan sekarang tak de kerja. Yang lawaknya, tahu pula minta tolong orang pass CV dia. Oh, masa kau jeling, pandang hina dekat orang, tak fikir pula mungkin satu hari nanti kau kena minta tolong orang yang kau pandang rendah tu.

    Lepas tu, bila dah tak dapat kerja, buatlah master's with your loser cliques, basking in your "glory" days sebab yalah, dekat universiti, kauorang popular lah, lecturers kenal kauorang tapi dekat luar, you are nobody and you can't stand on your own, you fake people need to use one another to survive.

    I may sound bitter but honestly, I feel vindicated, seeing how miserable these people are now and they will spend the rest of their lives stuck in the past. Tulah, dalam hidup ni, tak payahlah sombong sebab nampak bodoh sebab ada orang yang lebih daripada kauorang tapi tak sombong pun. Also, tak semestinya kau popular masa dekat sekolah dan universiti, hidup kau akan jadi a smooth sail selama - lamanya. Be humble sebab kita tak tahu apa yang akan jadi in the future.

    Dahlah semua hodoh, tak de seorang yang elok lepas tu nak berlagak. Dah tu, perangai pun macam tahi, muka lagi buruk.

PS It's 7:35 pm and I'm still at the office but I like it bila orang dah pakat balik, aku rasa tenang.

Happy New Year?

    Aku dah lama nak tulis tapi entah kenapa aku tak tulis - tulis. Anyway, aku balik hometown aku hari Jumaat minggu lepas dan hari ni aku nak kena balik sana balik.

    Sadly, kemungkinan besar, bulan ni aku tak boleh nak beli boots Versace tu lagi atas sebab - sebab tertentu and I'm really frustrated. So close yet so far. Aku takut sangat orang lain akan beli boots tu dulu. I know what's meant for you will always be for you but still. I've been eyeing them for more than two years now and I want them very badly. They're everything that I want in a pair of shoes.

    Anyway, aku dah pindah rumah sewa and so far, I'm happy with the new place.