Tadi, aku sampai rumah dari kerja, aku terus tidur. Aku memang plan nak balik awal hari ni sebab aku masih penat dari semalam. Tadi, aku baru terbangun dan sekarang, aku tak boleh nak tidur balik sebab ada perasaan yang membuak - buak dalam hati aku.
Marah.
Marah yang sampai aku rasa macam nak menangis, bukan sebab aku sedih tapi sebab aku tak boleh lepaskan kemarahan aku dekat orang yang buat aku marah dan kemarahan ni dah terlalu lama terpendam dalam diri aku and for some reason, sekarang baru nak terkeluar perasaan ni.
Yalah, I'm not someone who can get people I hate, fired or terminated or whatever, I don't have that sort of power or influence or connection, I'm just a person who's trying to build a better life for myself and my mum.
I do wish I could make them suffer for what they did to me, I do wish them sufferings. I'm that angry.
I hate them so much. I have nothing but hatred towards them.
It's one thing to be stupid but it's another thing to blame others for your stupidity.
What makes these people the worst is, they'll most probably never take accountability for their stupidity and they'll continue blaming others for the rest of their lives.
Maybe, just maybe, deep inside, they do know they're stupid, incompetent, lazy, ugly and they'll most probably never be successful and they're projecting their insecurities towards other people.
'You're not presentable.' That's rich, coming from two, frumpy, fat, ugly, with no sense of style or fashion, pigs.
Acah - acah kaya, makan dekat restaurant mahal je, tidur dekat hotel mahal je, pergi melancong dekat tempat - tempat exotic je, kenal orang ni, orang tu tapi tetap kampung.
Aku tak acah - acah kaya, aku sedar siapa diri aku, taste aku mungkin macam high maintenance tapi aku masih rendah diri, aku ingat asal - usul aku, aku tak pandang rendah dekat orang lain, aku tak kisah makan dekat warung tepi jalan asalkan sedap, aku tak kisah pakai T-shirt, track bottom dan selipar pergi market atau supermarket, aku tak kisah tidur dekat hotel bajet kalau bersih dan selesa dan paling penting, aku berdoa aku takkan lupa diri macam orang - orang macam ni.
Aku tak acah - acah kaya sebab nampak BODOH sebab ada orang lagi kaya daripada aku tapi tak menunjuk pun.
Kalau kau rasa aku acah - acah kaya, kau yang insecure.
Pandang rendah dekat aku, buat macam aku yang kampung padahal kauorang yang kampung, dress up macam mak cik pasar. You can act rich but your face says it all. So funny. Hiduplah dalam delusion while I'm building my life. Sama - sama pegang tangan, tell each other, 'we're not stupid, we're not ugly, we're not fat.'
Mereputlah dekat company syok sendiri tu yang perasan international tapi orang tempatan pun tak kenal. Bila kau mati pun, takkan ada legacy pun. You'll be replaced with new faces. Kalau orang ingat pasal kau pun, orang cuma ingat, that bitch from that department.
Aku bersyukur I'm not born as you two. So unfortunate. Sebab tu Tuhan pun cipta kauorang hodoh, sebab Dia tahu kauorang akan jadi jahat. Yes, I've gained weight but I can always lose it. Kauorang? Buatlah plastic surgery ke apa, tetap hodoh.
Dahlah hodoh, jahat pula tu, lagilah hodoh. God is good. Aku kesian dekat anak - anak kauorang. Dapat kauorang sebagai mak. So unfortunate, dapat mak yang hodoh, bodoh dan jahat.
Aku tak sabar nak balik hometown aku dan jumpa mak aku. I'm sick of this place. Tinggal dua hari lagi. Aku harap sangat esok pun diaorang "work from home" also known as bermalasan dekat rumah tapi acah - acah buat kerja tapi kerja tak siap pun lepas tu suruh orang buat ni, buat tu.
Orang cakap tak baik doakan benda - benda tak elok dekat orang lain but I still pray for their downfall, for them to be humiliated, for them to feel how they made me feel.
