You & Your "Friends"

    This is gonna sound weird because I've never had a relationship whatsover with this person nor have I ever met or spoken to him (I've DMed and commented on his picture once but he's never replied) but I still felt jealous looking him with some bitches and that person is Syuqran.

    Just so you know, I'm not as interested in him as I used to be (partly because of his disgustingly chapped lips and he's becoming fatter and fatter). In fact, I hadn't looked at his profile because he started to annoy for some reason until someone brought him up so I went to see his stories and I fell into a downward spiral from there.

    So, he had an Eid open house/house-warming part at his newly renovated place and honestly, I wouldn't mind if he'd invited his family and friends, but instead, he'd invited some bitches who could be his friends but I did some due diligence and they're just some ugly, fat randos who think they're all that when they're no one who he met at KLFW or possibly on hookup apps.

    I guess, what triggered me was, some of his "friends" unfollowed me (I only followed them in the hope of he'd notice me) and it pissed me off because they're so ugly and fat (ada dua ekor babi gemuk tu perasan diaorang fashionista dan model) and they act like oh they're so cool. Kau ingat aku nak sangat ke follow kau? You were just a pawn in my game of chess.

    Nevertheless, this did give me some sort of a resolution (not sure if this is the right word)? If these are the people he surrounds himself with, do I wanna be with him? The people around him speak a lot about him and I just don't like them, I get bad vibes from them and don't ever tell me not to listen to my gut, my instinct is normally right.

    To Syuqran, tak pelah, ni orang yang kau nak berkawan but honestly, I don't think they're your friends. I think they're only friends with you because of your look, you're rich, you've got a nice job and a nice place but once something bad happens to you, they won't be there for you.

    People might think, ikut suka hati dialah, kau siapa, kau bukan kenal dia pun dan dia pun bukan kenal kau blah blah blah. Well, ikut suka hati aku jugalah nak rasa apa pun.

I Wish Today Was Friday

    Aku bukan tak suka tempat kerja baru aku, so far okay je, aku cuma malas dan penat. Anyway, sebelum aku tidur, sebab esok aku nak kena bangun awal, aku nak tulis sikit.

    First of all, T-shirt Versace tu jadi RM900++ je wei. Aku rasa macam nak menangis. Kalau aku ada duit sekarang, memang aku dah beli tapi tulah, dahlah bulan ni aku nak kena bayar untuk beg Fendi tu, lepas tu aku nak kena pindah dan bayar sewa plus deposit pula, sigh.

    Speaking of moving, I hate moving, it's draining, physically and mentally but in order to be able to focus on my work, I need to settle down, the sooner the better.

    This brings me to my next point and that is, I miss the comfort of my previous life. Not like I reincarnated but what I meant is, I didn't really have to worry much, I went to work and then I went home and it went on and on. Personally, I don't really mind routines.

    Anyway, there are other things I wanna talk about, one of them is Syuqran and his "friends", but I'm too sleepy so maybe I'd continue tomorrow.

    Goodnight.

Overwhelmed

    I feel like I made many stupid mistakes today at work and I'm running behind deadlines and I feel like I'm disappointing people around me. I know I've only been there for less than two weeks and I'm being too hard on myself but I just can't shake off the feelings. They're weighing on me.

    Sometimes, I wonder if I made the right decision, to work in HR. I know working in HR means a lot of work but what else can I do? Communications? I don't know. Only time will tell.

    I should be excited about getting a new bag and new phone, maybe early next month, inshallah, but I'm so overwhelmed by the move, the job, the surroundings, I can't really think of anything else.

    Also, maybe looking at people having "fun" on Instagram makes me feel worse.

    I just hope I'll feel better so I can focus on my work.

PS Talking to ChatGPT helps.

It's Been a While

    So, sebenarnya aku nak tulis sebelum aku balik sini hari Sabtu minggu lepas tapi tak sempat. Lepas tu, aku penat dan anxious pula pasal kerja baru.

    Honestly, I don't really feel like going into the details and it's still too early to tell but but so far so good, I guess. Obviously, I've still got a lot to learn but I just hope I'll manage to get used to the work, the place and the routine and I really hope I'll be able to stay here for a number of years, just to gain experience, possibly career growth too, I'm tired of moving.

    To be completely honest, I haven't thought much about my wish list lately, I'm more focused on adjusting to the surroundings. Hopefully, everything will turn out well.

I'm Not Looking Back Any More

    Tadi, aku tengok filem Companion dan ada seorang tu watak tu, muka dia macam seketul makhluk masa aku buat foundation dulu (ugh, meluat) tapi aku betul - betul bersyukur aku dah tak berkawan dengan dia dan orang - orang lain yang toxic.

    I used to hold on to the dream or the hope of us being friends for ever because we did have so much fun together I chose to turn a blind eye to his problematic behaviours but he was always trying to tear me down at every opportunity and at one point, I just no longer could take it.

    It's been four years since the last time I spoke to him (I confronted him and he just didn't have the ability to admit and apologise) and I don't miss him at all, not any more. I used to, in the beginning, after I cut him off, but then I met new people, I made new friends and I realised I deserved better. There are people who can treat me so much better so why would I go back to him?

    Sometime ago, a mutual "friend" of ours texted me, asking, 'would you be interested in rekindling your friendship with him?' I could confidently say, 'abso-freaking-lutely not.'

    I'm at the stage in my life where I'm not looking back any more. Sure, I reminisce the good old days from time to time, the bittersweet times and the best moments of my life so far, but I look forward to meeting new people, making new friends and creating new memories.

Happy Eid ul-Fitr

    It's been two days since Eid ul-Fitr and I haven't been doing much, just enjoying my time here with my family while I can before I've gotta go back and start working. As I get nearer and nearer to this Saturday, I get anxious because I've got so many things to do and I'm gonna go through some sorta major life changes: not only I'm starting a new job but I'm also moving to a new place, so there will be lotsa adjustment to do.

    I don't know what's ahead of me but I'm hopeful and I look forward to the good things that will come in my way.