The End of a Crappy Week

    This week's been crappy and I'm just so glad it's over. When I was at work today, I couldn't wait to go home. It's been physically and mentally draining and I just wanna recuperate this weekend, I don't wanna go anywhere, I don't wanna do anything.

    What makes it even more crappy, I'm strapped this month because I bought that Fendi bag and that's why I'm not that excited about it because it was a poor financial decision which put me in a bad financial situation and I could've bought something else, like this Alexander McQueen Faithful bag in vermillion (red isn't even one of my favourite colours but it just makes sense because it's Alexander McQueen) which I wish I had discovered earlier.

    I've always been intrigued by Alexander Mcqueen (especially his Spring/Summer 2010 collection, Plato's Atlantis) and I'd been looking for something from Alexander McQueen to own and I've said this many times so you know I'm a sucker for biker-inspired bags and I love bags that I can either hold it or sling it over my shoulder. Plus, I think it's a nice-sized bag so it can carry a lot. Also, it just goes well with the Versace bag and the Balenciaga bag.

    Anyway, back to the Fendi bag, regardless of I feel about it, I still can't wait to see it, hold it and wear it because it's still a lotta money but Pos Malaysia is incredibly slow. I was supposed to receive it sometime around this week but that bag is still at the airport.

Retreat into My Shell

    I've just got home from work and I had a crappy day at work today. Monday is typically crappy, but today was really crappy: I had non-stop work (I barely had the time to really breathe), I was laughed at for knocking my head on a door, I got grifted by this food stall and now I feel like crap. I know it might sound like it wasn't that bad, it could've been worse but I guess, when you're vulnerable and you're trying to hold everything together, everything becomes amplified.

    Now I'm home, I just wanna retreat into my shell (my room), where I feel safe and comfortable, recuperating while I can before I've gotta face the world again.

I Wish I Earned More

    So I don't have to worry so much about how I'm gonna survive next month and the months after. Currently, I only earn less than RM4,000 monthly, but it's more than I used to earn at my previous company, so, there's some increase, at least. I know many people have got it worse, hence I should be thankful for what I've got and I am, but it's not wrong to want more, no?

    I'm just tired of having to work with a tight budget and I wish I had more space to breathe. I hate how critical I've gotta be every time I spend. Every ringgit counts and makes a difference. Having at least RM1,000 in your bank account makes a whole difference to your mental health and inner peace so I plan to spend less and save more next year. 

    I plan to focus on getting fragrances, accessories and some non-luxury miscellaneous items next year. Even if there were gonna be big purchases, I'd limit it to three items. I guess I'm still learning to appreciate what I've got, how to spend and how to be patient. Also, I hope I'll earn more, year by year.

If Only I Had the Money

    I know I shouldn't be really thinking about this until I've got the money but maybe I just wanna distract myself. So, remember when I talked about the Chloe Paddington bag?

    I still want it but then I found these boots.

    Saint Laurent Jodhpur heeled boots in black patent leathers (70 mm).

    Junya Watanabe combat spiked boots in black leather (50 mm).

    I wish I could buy them all this year. Maybe if I was as rich as Syafiq and Syuqran, I would manage to purchase all of them this year but with my current salary, I can only pick one.

    In terms of the price, I think the Chloe bag costs the highest and the Junya Watanabe boots being the lowest. The same goes to popularity.

    I might be able to forgo the Junya Watanabe boots because as much as I like the design (they would go so well with the Versace Goddess T-shirt, ugh), I haven't really got into the brand, if you know what I mean.

    So that leaves me with the Chloe bag and the Saint Laurent boots and I really can't decide which one I should get first. The only way is, we'll see which one will still be in stock by the time I've got the money, which maybe I'd get by the end of this year or earlier and whichever is still in stock by that time, that's the one I'm gonna get first.

Life Update

    So, it's been slightly more than a month since I started working at this one property development company (it's not well-known, I think but it's bigger than the previous company I used to work at, so it's an upgrade) in Kuala Lumpur (also slightly more than a month since I moved to Kuala Lumpur) and it's been fine so far. There have been ups and downs, but I think that's normal. There are no perfect workplaces but so far, I think, it's less toxic compared to my previous workplace. Most people come to work to, well, work, not sitting on their arses, gossipping all day long. Also, I appreciate it's medium-paced so it's not too fast or to slow.

    Nevertheless, last month's delayed salary payment (it was supposed to be made by 02/05 but it was delayed to 05/05) was sorta traumatising to me because I'm still traumatised by this one scammy recruitment agency where I briefly worked at before I got my current job who haven't paid me to this day (they owe me RM3,000). So, I still aim to get a job at a well-known, much bigger property development company, preferably, such as Gamuda, Sime Darby Property or SP Setia but maybe after a year or two because I've still got a lot to learn.

    Do I regret working in human resources? I can't tell yet but what I can tell is, you'd think, since you've gotta deal with people, you would've got lotsa friends but typically, the HR department have their own room (because we store private & confidential documents) and since you deal with P&C matters, you can't really make friends which is sorta fine because I don't really feel like making friends at work anyway. Also, the work is never-ending.

    Anyway, I can't wait to pay off some of my debts this year so I can focus on building a better life for myself and for my mum. Oh and I've bought the Fendi mirror clutch bag and some work clothes even though I shouldn't because I've spent a lotta money on moving here but I'm sorta sick of wearing the same outfits to the office (weirdly, I'm more excited about the latter, maybe it's because the former was a poor financial decision I made a few months ago, thinking I'd be paid by that scammy recruitment agency). I can't wait to try them on, I hope they'll look good on me.

    I look forward to better days.

The Glitz & Glam

    I used to envy people like Syafiq and Syuqran. They've got the life I've been yearning for: adorned with luxury clothes, bags and shoes, dripping like liquid gold from head to toe, faces of angels and bodies of Greek statues, advancing in career at the speed of light, to come home to a sexy apartment and people lining up to get a taste of them, or so I thought, and I felt like life is so unfair. I've been working hard but I'm nowhere near as "successful" as they are and they seem to have it easy, sailing through life on a yacht, not having to row the boat like I do.

    But time, time's got an interesting way of revealing the truth, and over time, behind that alluring façade they carefully curated, like a sexy art gallery, I saw darkness, ugliness, and hollowness that not many people can see, but they're so good at hiding them, even the most experienced person would have to take more than a couple deeper looks, there's not even a hairline crack in the wall, just beautifully painted portraits, in golden frames, hanged at a perfectly sharp angle, but no matter how good they are, they can't hide the stench in the air, that seep out of the floor's pores.

    Of course, I still dream of better life for myself, and for my mum, but I've learnt to be thankful for what I've got, and I don't envy them as much I used to, any more.