Overdue Update

    So, actually, last weekend, I went back to my hometown and before I came back here, I bought the Versace boots. Yes, believe it or not (I myself can't believe it either), I bought them, finally, after more than two years. To be completely honest, I should be excited and I am, a bit but for some reason, I don't really feel anything. Maybe I'd only believe it when I see it. I'm more nervous in actuality. I bought them off eBay so I've got a few concerns in mind. Are they authentic? Will they fit me? How much are the duties and taxes? Are they in a good condition? I really hope everything will be fine.

The Problem with Versace

    I love Versace, I've always loved it since I was at secondary school. It is my number one designer, luxury brand but as much as I love it, there's a problem with it and that is, they don't have a permanent collection which makes them look like they've got no clear identity.

    Let me give you an example. Fendi's got the Baguette, the Peekaboo and so on. Recently, I noticed Versace has removed all the Repeat bags from their websites (I guess they didn't sell well but I still like them) just like they removed the Medusa boots and I know now Versace is trying to make the Greca Goddess bag as a part of their permanent collection but what if the bag doesn't sell well either? Are they gonna remove it from the website too and come up with a new bag? Actually, they already have, the Athena bag which is a copy of the Dior book tote but at least the latter is a classic bag and I wouldn't be surprised if they'd remove it too because it's not gonna sell well, mark my words.

    To me, they're trying so hard to keep up with the latest trends because they think by doing so they'd make more money but they're actually losing the roots of the brand which is sad because it used to have a strong identity. Versace is about confidence, sex appeal (Cole Sprouse and Hyunjin don't capture this), la dolce vita.

    I think Versace needs to bring back the Palazzo Empire bag and the Triple Platform heels which are what Versace is known for and the Aevitas heels need to be a part of the permanent collection. Also, they seriously need to go back to their roots.

Parts of My Past

    There are parts of my past that I miss, for instance, when I was unemployed and there was a lockdown across the country, I'd watch TV until late at night but do I wanna go back to that? No. I only miss parts of it, not the whole of it.

    When I came to Kuala Lumpur in 2020, I was reminded of Sam and I missed him so much I thought I wasn't gonna survive every night. Now I don't miss him any more but I miss my old, younger self who had a romantic view of life and was full of youthful idealism. I used to have a vast imagination, like the ocean but now, I'm weary of the world and I rarely imagine any more, I'm too busy.

    Maybe, someday, I'd look back and miss myself.

One Week Left?

    Tinggal seminggu lagi, inshallah, sebelum gaji aku masuk dan aku harap duit kutu aku pun masuk pada hari yang sama. Entahlah, I've got lotsa feelings at the moment for some reason which makes me sorta emotional. I'm scared, I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm tired, I'm homesick. I don't know what to think.

    Petang tadi, aku tidur sebab aku mengantuk sangat for some reason, aku dapat mimpi yang lain daripada yang lain. Aku mimpi pasal mak aku dan seorang lelaki ni and I've been trying to recollect who he is but I can't.

    Aku tak tahulah apa nak jadi minggu depan but I hope everything will go well.

Two Weeks Left?

    Semalam, aku mimpi aku beli Versace thong. It is one of the items in my wishlist, aside from Versace Eros parfum (100ml), Versace Greca ring but it's not my top priority.

    Anyway, tinggal dua minggu lagi, inshallah, sebelum gaji aku masuk and I'm excited but I'm also nervous, like, what if someone buys the Versace boots first, what if they get removed again, what if I don't have enough money to buy them? Sigh. I'm really hoping I'll get my hands on them this month. I've done a calculation of the estimated budget but it's tight.

    Yes, I know, aku boleh beli bulan depan tapi aku dah tak boleh tunggu. I've been waiting for more than two years and the wait is wearing me out. Aku check setiap hari dan setiap kali aku check, aku takut boots tu dah tak de. I can't live like this, I can't live in constant fear, it's tiring. I can live without other things like the Versace Goddess T-shirt even though I want it really badly too but not these boots.

    Anyway, I'm gonna enjoy this weekend and hopefully, I can.

It's Been a Long Week

    I don't know why but this week feels like a month and I can't wait for the weekend, I just wanna get away from everything, even if just for a while. Actually, I think I know why this week's been dragging. Some annoying people annoy me, I get scolded by my boss, by my co-workers and all these drain me but I've still gotta stay strong and keep going.

    I took a walk, outside, just now and I sorta felt like crying because it's been tough lately. I'm waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel and I hope something really good is coming soon.

    'I smile, not because I'm happy or I pretend to be so but it's because I deserve happiness.'

The Top Five

    Aku baru habis tengok fashion show Chanel, the Button, dekat YouTube dan aku teringat seorang classmate aku ni masa aku buat degree dulu (bukan rindu si kepam tu ye, ew). Aku rasa aku pernah cerita pasal dia dalam blog sebelum ni. Aku rasa dia anak orang senang tapi tak delah kaya - raya tapi dia acah - acah macam dia mampu beli Chanel, Dior dan seangkatannya. Aku cringe bila aku ingat balik.

    Bagi akulah, kalau kau orang biasa, tak payahlah cakap pasal nak beli Chanel, Dior dan seangkatannya, it's cringeworthy. Bukan tak boleh cakap langsung tapi lebih baik cakap dengan diri - sendiri atau tulis dalam blog macam aku ni sebab kalau kau tak percaya, kau pergi buka website Chanel dan kau tengok harga beg Classic Flap dan semua tu, mahal gila nak mampus. Aku rasa sampai kau mati pun kau tak mampu lagi.

    Bagi aku, brands macam Chanel, Dior, Louis Vuitton, Gucci dan Prada (the last two being the most "affordable" ones of the five but still pricey) will always be on the top hence the price point too. Sebab tu jugalah brand - brand ni banyak fake dan dupe, sebab orang yang tak mampu milik pun nak the status. Yes, there are other upper luxury brands like Burberry, Bottega Veneta, Loewe (Hermes tak payah cakaplah, tu dah level lain) tapi lima ni yang consistently on the top.

PS If you want something, jangan berangan je, work for it.

Counting the Days

    So, aku tengah menghitung hari aku nak beli boots Versace tu. Kalau ikut calendar, tinggal 14 hari lagi (tolak cuti). I'm excited but I'm also nervous. What if ada orang lain beli dulu? Setelah sekian lama aku tunggu. Dua tahun lebih. Sebelum ni, aku dah pernah dikecewakan. Aku tunggu lama, simpan duit, bila aku nak beli, ada yang harga tak turun sebanyak yang aku harapkan (dari RM5,600 jadi RM3,800, aku ingat akan jadi RM2,800), ada pula harga tak turun langsung. So, aku beli yang warna lilac (originally, aku nak beli warna hitam) tapi aku dapat tahu, dah ada orang pakai kasut tu so aku terpaksa cancel order aku. Also, lepas tu, aku baru sedar yang aku tak suka warna lilac macam aku suka warna hitam. Lepas tu, tiba - tiba, entah kenapa, diaorang remove boots tu dari websites macam kasut tu tak pernah wujud.

    Masa tu, Allah je yang tahu betapa heartbroken-nya aku. Aku yang minat fashion terus jadi tak minat fashion. Aku tak de rasa nak beli apa. Aku cuba cari boots lain yang macam tu but none of them made my heart fiery. I wanted them more anything. This might sound dramatic but believe it or not, that's how I felt, over a pair of boots but to me, they're not just any pair of boots, they are Versace Medusa combat boots in black patent leather. That's why bila aku jumpa boots tu dekat satu website ni, aku rasa macam nak lompat setinggi - tingginya. Sebelum tu, aku rasa macam zombie, I wasn't living my life, I was just existing tapi lepas tu, aku baru rasa alive. Aku baru jadi minat fashion balik.

    Ya Allah, tolonglah aku.

You Don't Have to Try So Hard

    Aku ada follow some hot guys (good-looking hunks) dekat Instagram sebagai eye candy. Walaupun tak dinafikan diaorang hot, aku rasa diaorang try hard sangat nak tunjuk yang diaorang hot. Contohnya, bila ambil video, muka control, suara pun control. Dahlah tu, memanjang video tayang muka, tayang badan. It's cringeworthy jugalah. Sebab hot je, aku follow lagi, kalau tak, memang dah lama aku unfollow.

    Diaorang tak macam sesetengah orang yang betul - betul hot yang aku pernah jumpa dalam hidup aku (tak ramai). Diaorang ni effortless sebab diaorang tahu diaorang dah memang hot so diaorang tak perlu try pun. Diaorang chill je. Yalah, dah hot, kenapa nak kena tunjuk yang diaorang hot lagi?

    Bagi aku, orang hot yang try hard ni, walaupun hot, masih insecure, sebab tu nak kena tunjuk yang diaorang hot, nak dapat external validation, nak orang comment, 'oh my God, you're so hot.' Tulah, tak semestinya hot, kau tak insecure. Bukan nak angkat bakul tapi aku rasa aku lebih confident daripada diaorang.

People Really Need to Chill Sometimes

    Okay, aku ada post dekat Reddit (I'm not a big fan of Reddit to begin with because many Redditors have a holier-than-thou attitude) pasal seorang YouTuber ni. Tujuan post aku tu bukan nak kutuk YouTuber tu pun, aku cuma nak discuss pasal dia dan ada dua ketul makhluk yang sentap dengan post aku tu. Yang kelakarnya, diaorang nitpick satu point aku ni (pasal umur YouTuber tu so nampaklah yang sentap ni kertu) sedangkan ada banyak lagi points aku yang lain. Aku bukanlah nak jadi self-righteous macam diaorang juga, aku semua betul, diaorang semua salah tapi tak perlulah nak sentap, dah nama pun discussion.

    Sebab tulah aku tutup comment section blog aku ni. Bukan aku tak boleh discuss tapi aku tak boleh discuss dengan orang yang cepat sentap ni, like, I'm not talking about you, so, chill the hell out. Aku menyesal post dekat Reddit, spoil mood aku je, aku patut post dekat sini. God, people really need to chill sometimes. So annoying. Lepas ni, memang tak delah aku nak post lagi dekat Reddit, antara social media yang paling toxic sekali.