I Survived the First Week of Work

    Okay, aku dah nak kena tidur sebab esok aku nak kena bangun awal, pergi kerja but yes, I survived the first week of work. Mungkin sesetengah orang akan fikir, yang tu pun nak bangga ke? Yes, it's not that big of a deal but I went through a lot this week so I deserve every good thing in the world, lol.

    Anyway, aku dah dapat gaji bulan ni dan aku harap sangat aku boleh simpan duit and by January, inshallah, aku ada cukup duit untuk beli boots Versace tu (also, I hope, by that time, the boots will still be available).

    By the way, ada seorang co-worker aku ni jual espadrilles Gucci dekat aku. Aku tak minat espadrilles tapi manager aku rasa aku patut beli espadrilles tu. Tengoklah macam mana nanti.

Waiting for the Light at the End of the Tunnel

    Malam ni malam terakhir aku dekat hometown aku sebelum aku kena balik sana balik malam esok. Tadi, aku tengok Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part One dengan abang aku.

    Dulu, aku selalu nak keluar dari sini tapi sekarang, aku tak nak balik sana. Aku jadi menyampah dengan tempat tu—orang dekat situ to be exact. Bukan semua but some and I'm not happy there. Depan orang, aku senyum, gelak dan buat lawak tapi bila aku balik rumah, semua tu hilang and I just wanna be alone, aku tak nak jumpa siapa - siapa, aku tak nak cakap dengan siapa - siapa. I try to make peace with where I am at, at this point of my life but I haven't been able to do so. There's a lot of bottled-up rage in me.

    I'm not an introvert, I love socialising so I know there's something wrong when I don't wanna mingle with anyone, like when I used to take a walk in the night.

    Dulu, aku ingat, lepas aku habis belajar, my life would get better but now, I feel like, it's more or less the same and I don't know how long it's gonna be like this, I'm waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel, to end my suffering.

PS I'd never really been a fan of the Versace Aevitas platform pumps until I saw this pair.

    The colour and the blue diamanté fascinate me and the patent leather makes them even more fascinating. They're perfect, they've got ankle straps, side openings and so on.

A Safe Place

    Sebenarnya, aku balik hometown aku tiga hari lepas sebelum aku nak kena masuk kerja balik hari Isnin minggu depan tapi aku asyik tidur saja dan aku tak berapa sihat baru - baru ni. Speaking of my hometown, kalau ikut hati, aku rasa macam tak nak balik sana, for a number of reasons tapi pada masa yang sama, tak de kerja dekat hometown aku ni.

    Anyway, sebelum aku tidur, aku ada benda nak cakap sikit.

    Aku tak tahulah orang lain ada ke tak imagination macam ni tapi kadang - kadang, aku imagine, kalau aku hidup dalam dunia post-apocalyptic, aku nak tidur dekat department store macam Parkson atau dalam office. I don't know why but for some reason, aku rasa selamat dekat tempat - tempat ni.

    Aku ada tulis cerita post-apocalypse dan dalam cerita tu, aku banyak focus dekat tempat rehat tapi sampai sekarang aku tak habis lagi tulis cerita tu.

    I don't know, maybe it's because I grew up with these places when I was a child and maybe, deep inside, I'm yearning for a safe place, a haven, a sanctuary, whatever you call it but I haven't found one so I create one in my mind.

    I hope, someday, I'll find one.

PS It feels good to escape from the harsh reality once in a while.

God Knows I'm Trying

    Okay, aku dah nak kena tidur sebab esok aku nak kena pergi kerja tapi aku nak luah perasaan sikit.

    So, ni minggu terakhir internship aku dan inshallah, aku akan diserap. I should be happy but I'm gonna sound ungrateful, to be completely honest, I'm not happy. The reason is, it's not my passion and I'm terrified I'd be stuck here for the rest of my life.

    To make matters worse, the pay is relatively low, compared to other companies and I know it's better than nothing but I feel like my dreams (one of them is the Versace Medusa combat boots of course) are getting further and further. In all honesty, I don't have any motivation to go to work, not even my crush can motivate me any more. I wake up every day wanting to go back to sleep. I'm clinging to anything to keep me going and yes, even the boots.

    I don't know what the future has in store for me. I'm honestly scared but there's nothing I can do about it except applying for jobs which is what I've been doing and I haven't received any responses so for now, I just go with the flow, I let life take me to wherever it's going.

    Sigh. Oh, God, please save me.

PS I'm not into crotchet but the colour of this shirt reminds me of a blazer from the new Gucci collection.

    Also, this shirt's gonna make a cute shirt to wear to the office.