It's three o'clock in the morning and I've just had a moment of clarity.
Yesterday, after I performed my Maghreeb prayer, I had an urge to text someone, to reconnect with this person. If you've read my previous posts, you probably know who this person is: it's my former close friend. I've been struggling since we fell out and I thought of making things right with her before New Year but then, I was encumbered by slumber, as if there was a force that prevented me from doing so.
I woke up at dead of night. My bedside lamp hadn't been switched off. I sat in my bed, in my dimly-lit room and I just had this thought, an epiphany of some sort: why should I reconnect with this person? Not just her but some other people too.
When we were friends, when we went out, I'd post stories of us hanging out on Instagram and I'd tag them but they never reposted them. This may sound trivial but it makes me wonder, were they ashamed to be seen with me? Am I not cool enough to them? It's funny because they'd repost other people's stories, just not mine.
I think, if the core, or the foundation of a friendship is festered by an issue like this, the relationship will eventually and inevitably crumble.
The other day, I texted our mutual friend, another former close friend of mine, asking her if she'd like to hang out with me because her workplace is so near to my apartment and she never responded. I highly doubt she didn't see the text so I deleted it.
This moment of clarity feels sorta sad but it feels more relieving, I think, to be able to really see things as they are at last and I wanna put every bad thing behind before New Year. It saddens me how the friendship ended, after going through so much and we had so many good memories. I don't know how things are gonna be next year, but I hope it'll get better, somehow.
PS Do you remember when you posted that story with a song that says, 'you're everything I need?'
