It's 4:30 am, and I can't go back to sleep. I had a dream of him, again. I asked him how old he is, and he said, '33'. Only God knows how much I miss him. It'd be another miracle if I get to see him again, his face, his smile.
I went out with my colleagues yesterday, but to be completely honest, it didn't really turn out the way I'd hoped, and it's the same thing with the night before. It just felt a bit, flat, I think. Is it because he's the one I really want to see? I'm not sure.
When I came home, I texted him, just to see if he'd be interested to come to my place, even though my bathroom sink is clogged, and I should get that sorted out, before we meet, if that ever happens. He was responsive, but I didn't want to push him, and make him pull away from me, ever again. Plus, I don't think it was the best time for a meet-up, as much as I want to see him.
I'm not unthankful, I'm beyond thankful for all the miracles, for getting to talk to him again, but, I still wish I could see him again. I'm scared if that day would never come, if we'd be stuck in a limbo of some sort, again. My life just feels empty without him, but the hope of seeing him again someday keeps me going.
PS I'm supposed to meet up another friend of mine next week, but I'm not sure if it'd happen because he's dismissive-avoidant too, and they have commitment issues.
