Today's been an emotional roller coaster for me. Kejap aku happy, kejap aku sedih dan aku sedih sebab a number of things.
One, berat aku dah 60+ sekarang. BMI aku dah nak masuk overweight. To be completely honest, I'm not happy with my current body, I don't like seeing my reflection in the mirror. I'm outta shape and I need to get back in shape before it gets worse and harder to lose weight. Aku nak berat aku 50+ balik. Dulu, masa berat aku 50+, I felt hot, confident and comfortable in my own skin. Sekarang, nak ambil gambar pun payah, kena pastikan tak de double chin.
This leads me to my second point and that is, it affects my marketability. My dating life sucks. Orang yang aku nak tak nak dekat aku. Orang yang nak dekat aku, yang aku tak nak. Ye, aku tahu, aku pun gemuk tapi tak delah obese ke apa, at least aku ada rupa lagi. I'm tired. I'm tired of being single. I've been single for too long. Dah bertahun - tahun aku single. Sometimes, I get lonely, especially at night. I wish I had someone to talk to, to hold on to.
Thirdly, update pasal plan aku nak bagi crush aku tu notice aku, it makes me feel awful. Kau bayangkan, dia tak follow aku balik tapi dia follow orang yang hodoh, buruk, jongang, gemuk, pondan, bapuk, muka pelik. It honestly pisses me off. Aku rasa macam nak jumpa dia dan tanya dia, what is your problem? Kau pakai spek tapi kau still tak nampak ke? Like, hello, look at me and then look at them. Aku tak de masalah kalau yang dia follow hot tapi ni, oh, asalkan badan berketak je, folow, macam bodoh, nafsu semata - mata.
Sorry, I like you, you're cute but you've got a poor taste, you need help, seriously. Nevertheless, bila aku tengok muka dia melalu stories kawan dia dekat Instagram, my heart melts. He's so dreamy. I wish he was mine. Why can't I have him?
