Okay, aku baru mandi so aku rasa segar sikit. Kenapa sikit? Because I had a shitty day today. Apa kaitan dengan tajuk post ni? Tak de kaitan tapi aku nak cakap sikit pasal seorang perempuan ni (kawan crush aku tu).
So, ever since I started working here, I've been getting comments about my sexuality (when I was at uni, I never got these comments at all) and even though they offend and annoy me, I usually would just brush them off because I don't entertain them but today, they got to me. They made me feel as if I'm not good enough, as if that's all about me, nothing else matters, my kindness, my feelings, me as a person, as a human, if that makes sense, all the work I've put into myself over so many years just get minimised by this label. I know it's not true because I know myself but I can't help it, they still bother me and I've just had enough. I've had enough of these comments. I'm not gonna let anyone reduce me into a label. I'm more than just a label. I have a mother who loves me, who prays for me and I've been through so much, both the best and the worst, and I'm not gonna tell you what I've seen but I'm not gonna let you make me feel like I'm just a label.
I'm rarely able to express my feelings in words but this sums up how I feel.
Anyway, kan aku follow semua followings crush aku (when I said semua, I really meant all of them), ada hari tu, entah macam mana, aku termasuk profile kawan dia kot. Post apa tak de, ada highlight je. Aku tekan, terus terpampang gambar crush aku tu. Aku belek, kebanyakan gambar dan video crush aku tu, aku pun syoklah sebab dia macam lubuk untuk aku ambil screenshot dan recording (aku baru tahu suara dia macam mana). Not gonna lie, they show me a different perspective of him that I'd never seen before. Pada masa yang sama, kawan dia tu...
Aku bukanlah saja - saja nak tak suka orang, kutuk orang but she reminds of that scammer, bukan dia scam orang tapi dia menunjuk dan aku benci orang menunjuk. Okay, aku rasa, crush aku tu anak orang kaya dan dia kerja doctor, so dia bolehlah beli Burberry, Loewe, Miu Miu, Prada, Louis Vuitton, Saint Laurent, even Hermes and all that tapi kawan dia tu? Dahlah mak cik, crush aku tu lebih muda daripada aku. Lepas tu, tak nampak kaya pun tapi acah - acah macam dia pun kaya macam crush aku tu, beli barang luxury tapi barang - barang macam accessories sajalah. Tu pun, dia tayang. Bagi aku, kalau kau mampu beli barang macam card holder je, lebih baik tak payahlah, bazir duit je. Beg, kasut tak pe juga.
Bukan setakat tu je dia tayang, dia tayang crush aku tu. Nak bagi semua orang tahu dia berkawan dengan crush aku tu, dia ada kawan handsome. I'm sorry but the "friendship" feels weird, macam mak cik dengan anak saudara. Also, diaorang tak nampak ngam langsung. It's just sad, sebab dia nampak try hard sangat nak fit dengan crush I tu.
Okay lah, yang tu sajalah for now, aku dah nak tidur. Goodnight.
