I've just taken a night walk and when I was walking, a thought came to mind, 'I'm not exactly where I wanna be.'
I know I'm meant to be here even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment and God put me here for a reason and I'm not gonna argue about that, that's not my point. My point is, as much as it pains me to say this and I love this place (not my workplace), but I need to leave if I wanna a better life, not just for myself but also for my mum.
Early on, I knew, to a certain extent, my workplace was gonna be toxic. I got the vibes the first day I came to work though in the beginning, it was tolerable but then it turned worse and then it became tolerable again but now it's becoming more and more unbearable. I'm not well-paid, I've got a bitch for a boss, I'm not doing what I wanna do and the toxicity is becoming more and more nauseating.
It's sad that I've gotta think not once, not twice but multiple times before spending my money on something. Some people might think, 'then why did you buy the Versace boots and bag?' Well, I'm not gonna justify my splurges but all I can say is, one, they weren't impulse purchases and two, I got extra money which I know I could've saved for something that's way more important.
I just, wanna get to the point where I don't have to depend on my mum or anyone, I don't have to worry so much about money and I've got a saving.
PS This is gonna sound materialistic of me but I think, one of the things that bother me is, I've gotta accept that I'm probably not gonna be able to buy lotsa things from my wish list, especially the Versace Contrasto collection and I've gotta let them go.
