So, it's been a few days since I finally got home, like, in my hometown, with my family and it feels good, to be home, after so long. It feels sorta relaxing because life is less hectic here and I said sorta because I'm like, still in a survival mode so I've got a difficulty to really relax and enjoy this one-week leave while I can but I can feel, those feelings that I've bottled up for so long, are resurfacing. This surge of all sorts of emotion makes me wanna tear up and I don't know how to express it, channel it out. Maybe I should address those feelings one by one.
For starters, I'm not happy at my work. Yes, I came from a worse, more toxic place and I should be thankful it's less toxic here but I'm not happy because I feel like I've got no friends at all and it's so lonely. Some people are nice to me but to me, they're just co-workers. I wish I had at least someone who, I don't know, maybe I could go out after work with, vent about work and annoying co-workers to. Just a shoulder to lean on because I'm tired of having to be strong and independent all the time. I honestly don't know how long I can stay here, I feel like it's driving me mad somehow.
My previous workplace is toxic, in fact, it's probably one of the most toxic places I've ever been in but I had lotsa friends there. Despite the toxicity, I could stay there for more than a year because I had lotsa friends, I had support. I miss watching horror films on Netflix with them during lunch. I also miss living in Cyber because it's not as hectic as KL. I wish I could go back to that time, without the annoying co-workers. Just us, doing our work while having fun. I don't know if I'd ever get to experience that again, somewhere else. It feels empty here, you come to work then you go home.
