When I was living in Cyber, there's a company just across the street from this apartment and there are plenty of shops surrounding that area: a laundry bar, a grocery, restaurants and so forth. A few days ago, there was a job vacancy at the company and I applied for it. The chances of me getting called for an interview, let alone getting the job, are extremely slim but I can't help imagining how sweet it'd be if I get the job.
I'd rent a studio apartment at the apartment building and I wouldn't have to wake up extremely early in the morning to go to work. I wouldn't even have to take Grab or drive, I'd just cross the street. I wouldn't have to bump into some ugly strangers who try to pick a fight with you because their lives are so miserable so they wanna make yours miserable too.
At the weekend, I'd go to the laundry bar if my apartment doesn't have a washer and a dryer and to the grocery to buy groceries to cook if there's a stove at my apartment. If not, it's fine, I'd just go the restaurants. I'm sure I'd be able to save tons of money and I'd be able to buy things off my wish list again.
It brings me to tears just at the thought of it because I feel like my life really sucks at the moment. I admit it, I haven't been happy in a very long time and I've been trying to find happiness here but I just can't. Someone told me things would get better in time and it's been nearly a year and it hasn't got any better. I'm so sick and tired of living like this and I wish more than anything I could go back to Cyber, God knows it.
I've been applying for jobs in Cyber and I'm willing to downgrade my salary but I keep getting rejections. Every time I get a rejection, the dream of living and working in Cyber again seems farther and farther away and the hope I've been holding onto is fading. I'm scared if I'd have to live and work here for I don't know how many more years and I'd lose myself, I wouldn't recognise myself any more.
O Allah, please help me, I'm scared and I'm tired.
