Aku tak ada apa nak cakap sangat malam ni. Aku cuma nak bagi tahu aku akan bertolak balik sana esok pagi dan aku tak pack lagi barang - barang aku dan aku ada banyak nak kena buat. Entah kenapa aku tak bermaya and I've been like this more than a month now. Aku tak ada semangat but I need to complete my studies, tinggal satu semester saja lagi. To be completely honest, I can't believe I've made it this far. Masa first semester dulu, aku ingat aku takkan boleh bertahan tak sampai satu semester but I didn't have any other options so aku teruskan juga. It's been a rollercoaster ride. Not an entertaining one though. I've just been wanting it to stop so I could get out of it.
One of the biggest lessons I've learnt here is, trust your instinct, seriously. If you get bad vibes from someone, run for your life. It's not you being cynical, there's probably a good reason you feel that way and in time, you'll see why. I made the mistake of not trusting my guts, I kept blaming myself for being cynical and I had to pay the price. Big price. The people I've been getting bad vibes from but I ignored the red flags and made friends with them anyway? They've turned out to be really bad and I really, really, really regret for ignoring the signs.
Wanna know how to identify a bad person? First of all, look at their faces. Hati gelap, hati busuk, hati jahat akan terpancar dekat muka diaorang, no jokes. Their faces make you feel uneasy, tak buat kau rasa sejuk hati. Kau mungkin akan fikir, 'ish, judgemental nya aku ni, berprasangka buruk.' No, henny, it's God telling you through your moral compass. Lepas tu, tengok cara diaorang behave. Kalau diaorang suka mengata orang, well, they probably talk behind your back too. Also, orang jahat ni, are typically narcissistic. They love being the centre of attention, they love talking about themselves dan bila kau cakap pasal diri kau ke apa, anything but them, they'll turn the conversation and make it about themselves. They love making everything about themselves.
Last but not least, kau takkan rasa fulfilled bila kau berkawan dengan diaorang. Kau akan rasa empty dan lonely. Kau mungkin akan tertanya - tanya kenapa kau masih rasa macam tu even though you're surrounded by "friends", you might even blame yourself like me, like, is there something wrong me? Aku ni terlalu memilih kawan ke? Aku tak bersyukur ke? Apa yang aku nak sebenarnya? I wish I'd known what I know now and that is, it's not you, it's them. Let me tell you something. When you spend time with good people, people who sincerely wanna be friends with you, you won't feel exhausted, you'll feel energised. You'll feel heard, like you exist because they listen to you.
So, siapa - siapa nak masuk university atau dah dekat university, stop wasting your time on bad people and go and make friends with good people. I know it's easier said than done dan payah nak jumpa kawan yang baik but it's better to leave bad people before you get left by them and I'd rather be alone than keeping bad company, at least you don't have to deal with their bullcrap dan rugi dan tenaga saja dengan orang macam ni sebab in the end, they'll always stab your back and don't even bother trying to change them, they won't, trust me. Kalau dah hati busuk, sampai mati pun hati busuk lagi.
PS Tadi aku pergi Tesco (Lotus's) and I saw two cuties. They're my type, you know, nerdy, pakai spek, tak tinggi sangat, tak kecil sangat, tak besar sangat, tak kurus sangat. Nothing happened, we just made eye contact and went about our days but it's good to know there are attractive people in this godforsaken place. I wish I could talk to them though.
