It's almost 1 am, and I'm just sitting here, in the living room of my house, in my hometown (I'm back for a few days), thinking of, I'm not sure what. Maybe multiple different things all at once.
Actually, I think I know what I've been thinking of the most, but I'm just not sure how to put in words. I met someone last December, someone who lives in the same apartment building, someone who reminds me of Shorty. We actually matched on Bumble before I moved there, and I thought he's cute, but the match expired because he didn't respond to my text. I was disappointed but I moved on.
Fast forward to months later, someone chatted me up on a different dating app but I wasn't really interested because his profile picture is blurry until we exchanged our pictures and that's when I realised it was coincidentally him, the same guy I matched with on Bumble. At first, he, out of the blue, stopped chatting with me and I thought he wasn't attracted to me so I was disappointed but then he started talking to me again. I asked him if he wanna see me and he said yes.
The first time we met, it didn't go very well. I felt weird after seeing him and we stopped talking again, for about a month, until he texted me, asking me if I wanna see him and I said yes. The second time we met was better, we went out for dinner together and we got to know each other a bit. Ever since then, we've been texting each other, some days a lot, some days a bit and I think I'm catching feelings for him and I'm scared, like what if I'm more into him than he's into me? What if he's just using me? What if I'm doing something wrong? What if I'm gonna lose him?
I can't help thinking of him a lot and missing him and I've been texting him a lot but I don't wanna come across as desperate. We've planned to meet again but I don't know if that'd happen because anything could happen. Maybe I should stop texting him and see if he'd text me. I appreciate him for checking on me because I've been down with a cold for the past one week but I wish he'd just be honest with me so we wouldn't have to play this stupid game.
I don't really feel like being in a committed relationship at the moment but at the same time, I'd like us to be in some sort of an exclusive relationship.
