I've been doing a lot of reading lately, more than I have in the past few years, about the attachment theory, and I've learnt a lot about not just myself, but also him. It's mind-blowing, I wish I'd known this sooner, I wish I'd known what I know now, and maybe we wouldn't have come to this, but if we hadn't, then, I wouldn't have known.
I've realised we're the opposites: he's dismissive-avoidant, and I'm anxious-preoccupied. I think that's what makes our situation ten times harder. I tend to become clingy, needy and so forth, and by doing so, he tends to become cold, distant, and so forth. The situation gets worse when he becomes more distant, and by doing so, I become more clingy.
I can talk about the attachment theory all day long, but what I wanna talk about is, now that I've learnt all these, I need to put them into practice, and I don't think I'm ready to see him yet, as much as I want to. That's why I'm sort of hoping he's not going to reach out to me this week (remember last week I invited him for a meetup?) because I don't want him to see me like this, I'm still a mess, so, that might make him become even more distant from me.
I do hope he'll reach out to me eventually, once we're both stable and at ease again, and we'll be able to rebuild our friendship, and become close again like we used to be. In the meantime, I've got to work on myself while giving him ample space and time, and I pray to God to keep him safe and protect him from people who are a bad influence on him.
