It's nearly 11 pm, but I can't really sleep, and I'm writing this in my dimly lit bedroom.
I'm supposed to go back to Kuala Lumpur this Sunday, but I've decided to return this Saturday, because I know going back to Kuala Lumpur on Sunday night is gonna be messy, shitty and taxing, and I'm gonna have to go to work the next day. I've got some stuff to do before returning to work, and I'm gonna need some time to prepare myself mentally.
To be completely honest, I wish I wouldn't have to go back to Kuala Lumpur, I wish I could stay here with my mum even though I don't like some people here, I wish I'd got a better job with a better workplace, where I'd be happy to go to, but I've got no choice, and being far away from Shorty 2.0 is hard, even though we rarely see each other even when we're near. Being close to him makes me feel sorta safe somehow even when we're not speaking.
Speaking of which, after days of not speaking, I texted him this morning, 'how are you?' He hasn't replied to this moment, he hasn't even read it, but I know he's seen the notification, he's just ignoring me on purpose. It's a tit for tat because I ignored him last Friday. My bet is, he's either gonna respond tomorrow or the day after.
He may be more mature than me when it comes to emotional regulation, but he's still immature. I wish he'd just tell me, what's hurting him, and I'd tell him what's hurting me, so we could work it out, but no, he wanna act cool, calm and collected, he wanna pretend like he's unbothered when obviously, he is. He may not be super into me, but I feel like, he gets jealous when he sees me with someone else, and he doesn't wanna lose me.
In all honesty, I'm not as distraught as I used to be, maybe it's because I'm now able to predict his pattern, and I've lowered my expectations of him. In contrast, as much as he wanna pretend like he's not bothered, I can see right through his pretense. I can imagine him silently fuming while acting cool, and I find it sort of endearing. I just hope there's still hope for us, and if we get back together again, it'd get better going forward, somehow.
