Have you ever felt this way?
I've written about this before, but I lost three of my close friends last year, one by one. I'd really thought we'd be friends for eternity because they got me like no one else (I haven't found anyone else like them to this day) but then, it happened anyway. I tried to make things right, I reached out and I apologised even though I didn't really do anything wrong, but maybe I did something that pushed them away and I wasn't aware of it, but all I got was silence, as if those years of friendships are not worth fighting for at all.
It felt like your heart got ripped out of your chest, repeatedly, and each time, you didn't even get to recover. I cried, I prayed to God to bring us all together again someday, but as time passed, it seems more and more unlikely to happen. I had to go through hardships on my own, and I had no one to talk to except my mum and a few friends of mine, and I felt so alone, working and living in a big city, all by myself.
Then, after nearly a year of going through a seemingly unending tunnel, just before I completely lost hope, I saw a light at the end of it: I met Shorty 2.0. Come to think of it, his real name means, the gift of light, and I feel like, this even more testifies that our encounter wasn't merely a coincidence. Anyway, our first meeting didn't really go well though, it left me feeling even more lonely.
The second time we met, however, made me feel alive, and I hadn't felt that way in a very long time. I'd thought it was gonna be a smooth ride onwards but I was wrong. We fought, we made up, we had a fight again, and now, I'm not sure where we stand, and where we are going from here. I hope there's still hope for us.
All the while I was going through the ups and downs with Shorty 2.0, I've been confiding in a friend of mine. Although we're not super close, he's been there for me a lot of times, and I appreciate him, but I guess, he got tired of me because I kept talking about Shorty 2.0, and I don't blame him. I asked him if he wanted to hang out next Friday, after work, and his response felt, distant.
Sigh. This makes me sad. Why does this always happen to me? Why can't I have at least someone, for ever? Someone who stays, no matter what. It doesn't mean we don't fight at all, or we don't need space and time from each other sometimes, but regardless of whatever happens, in the end, we always come together.
