For the past few days, I've been trying to act normal, in hope of things will get back to normal. It's very hard, it feels like pretending, and ignoring your feelings, but, is there another way, other than dwelling on my feelings?
Last Sunday, just before nightfall, out of nowhere, I had the urge to go out for a walk, and so I did. From the neighbourhood, I could see my current block, and my previous block, where I was neighbours with Shorty 2.0. I could see the window of his room, and it was dark, even though night was falling. I had a feeling he'd moved out, but I had no proof to believe it.
The next day, after I came home from work, I hung out at the balcony for a moment before I went to bed, and from there, I could see his room. Again, it was dark, even though it was already at night, but it was possible he didn't come home yet.
Yesterday, I noticed he posted a story on WhatsApp, and I'd been avoiding his stories, but I needed a proof, so, I clicked it, and it was a picture of his new place, with a caption that, to me, felt like a snide remark to me. It didn't sting as much as I'd thought it would, but it still stung, especially because he didn't tell me (and I thought he'd move out this weekend or next weekend), and one of my fears came true: he'd really moved out. Yes, I didn't tell him too when I moved out, but that's because we weren't in a good place, but I thought we're in a slightly better place now, but I guess not really.
I could've flipped out, deleting his number and all that, to "punish" him basically, but that's what he expects me to do, right? So, I defied his expectations. Instead, I deactivated my Instagram (I don't know if he'd ever notice this since he's not following me), and I hid his stories on WhatsApp (I don't know if he'd ever notice this either). If he'd ever notice it, he might think I flipped out, but he'd be confused to see I haven't deleted his number and all that.
The reason I did those things was, I felt like, his stories were distracting me from getting better, and I don't need to see him acting like he's okay, when I know he's not okay. It's annoying. If he wanna do that, go ahead, but I'm gonna truly heal, unlike him, in silence, and I don't have to show it to everyone.
Tomorrow's gonna be day 14, and like I said in my previous post, I think the longest time we weren't in contact was 14 days, and he reached out to me on the fifteenth day, but I just get the feeling I'm not gonna hear from him for a while, and I don't know long a while is gonna be this time, but I still hope he will, somehow, against all odds, even though he probably won't.
