I rarely write on weekdays, except when I really feel like writing, and today, I really feel like writing something.
I had a fairly bad day today at work: I spilt some food and drink on myself, I forgot to avoid talking to my moody co-worker, I spent and ate more than I should, I said something I shouldn't have said, and my head was all over the place I couldn't really focus on my work.
Because I ate so much, I had to go to the loo, and I sat in the cubicle for quite a while. While I was sitting, alone, a thought came to mind, and I hadn't been visited by it for rather sometime. I thought of two of my former close friends, N&N. I thought of how nice it would've been if we were still friends: I wouldn't have depended so much on Shorty 2.0, hence our friendship wouldn't have been as damaged, and I would go out with them, to the shopping centres, to the restaurants, to the karaoke bars, to the cinemas, we would have so much fun.
It's been nearly a year since we last spoke, and it feels like a different life, it feels like a lifetime ago. I've tried making new friends, and I try not to compare, but I haven't found ones who I get on with like I got on with them, who get me the way they did, I don't know if I ever would. We were inseparable, and the thought of one day we'd be separated never crossed my mind, so, when that day came, it was, and still is, hard for me to accept it's the end of our friendship.
I genuinely don't know what I did wrong, but I can admit, maybe, I came across as I was making things about myself even though I was trying to be supportive, and I should've listened more, and spoken less, and when things got heated, I should've backed down, instead of trying to convince them I meant well. I have apologised, more than once, and I have given space and time, but as the days pass by, it seems more and more unlikely we'd ever reunite.
Nevertheless, my door is always open to them, if they ever want to come back. People say, 'never say never.' It's been hard living without them, because they were a big part of my life, so, when I lost them, I lost a big part of my life, and I became lost. I had to go through a seemingly unending dark tunnel, and I hardly could see the light at the end of it, and I felt so alone, and I almost lost hope when I met Shorty 2.0. That's why when I met him, I clung tightly to him, because I finally found a reason to keep going, and when I lost him too, I was devastated, I felt like I was back in the seemingly unending dark tunnel.
I wish I could talk to them, tell them everything that has happened to me for the past year, about Shorty 2.0, and hear about everything that has happened to them. I wish we could be friends again like we used to be.
