I'm going back to my hometown tonight, for a week, and I can't wait to see my family, especially my mum (I feel so safe and peaceful round her), and my cat, but I feel sad to leave without telling or seeing him. I know I mustn't reach out to him because I don't want him to pull further away from me, but still, I wish I could text him, like I used to, and he'd wish me a safe journey.
I wish I could tell him what happened to me last week, I wish I could tell him everything that's happened to me since the last time we saw each other which was nearly three months ago, I wish I could tell him it's been so hard being here without him, having to do everything all by myself. He gave me a reason to keep going, but now, the reason is gone, because he is the reason.
I know, I know I mustn't reach out to him because it's only going to push him further away, and maybe, the friendship is still recovering from the damage I've done, but I still wish I could talk to him without making him become more distant from me. I wish he'd reach out to me instead, even if it's just a hey, so, at least, I know the connection is still alive, and there's still hope.
O Allah, my Lord, only You have a hold of his heart, only You can change it, so, please, make him feel safe and comfortable to come back to me, and give him courage to text me.
