Okay, aku dah nak kena tidur because it's really late dan aku ada kelas esok pagi tapi nasib baiklah kelas tu pukul 10 pagi tapi aku ada benda nak cakap but I'll try to keep it short.
So, sampai sekarang Tally tak balik lagi. On top of that, mak aku tengah buat umrah lagi so aku tak boleh cakap dengan dia and I feel like I'm in a really sucky situation. I feel so alone and I've got no one to talk to. I feel like crying but I can't cry in front of people. I'm trying not to break down but it's so hard.
Aku marah. Why? Why me? Why do these things happen to me? Macam aku pernah cakap sebelum, orang yang macam Shorty senang saja find someone, lepas apa yang dia buat dekat aku tapi aku, nak find someone pun rasa macam I have to travel the earth, tu pun belum tentu aku akan jumpa. It's not fair.
Will I ever find someone or will I be alone for ever? Don't I deserve love and happiness too, after everything I've been through? What else do I need to do? I've done everything I could. I'm tired. I hate everyone. I hate the world. I just wanna be alone. I don't wanna do anything. I want the time to stop and I just wanna sleep.
Tadi, masa aku tengah jalan dekat luar, ambil udara malam, tiba - tiba, aku nampak satu kereta merah lalu, macam kereta yang selalu datang hantar dan ambil Tally tu. Dia datang dari block lain tapi aku tak tahu block mana satu. Aku macam, takkan Tally pindah block kot?
So, aku buat kerja gila, aku cari dia. Dekat kolej aku, ada empat block perempuan, empat block lelaki. Aku cari dia dekat block pertama, tak ada. Aku cari dekat block kedua, pun tak ada. By the way, aku cari selipar dia dan aku tahu selipar dia but only God knows kalau dia mandi ke apa.
Aku cari dekat block ketiga, tak ada juga. Finally, block keempat, pun tak ada juga. Entahlah, I had mixed feelings. Aku rasa lega sikit kasut dia tak ada so it could mean dia tak pindah block tapi pada masa yang sama, aku jadi restless sebab aku tertanya - tanya, where is he?
Aku rasa macam aku kena tinggal seorang diri dekat tempat ni. He is one of the reasons I keep going sebab no matter how bad the situation I'm in is, I always get to see him in the end. Seeing his face is like seeing the sun rays through the clouds after a rain.
I know I don't know him but I strongly believe when you're drawn to someone, it's because your souls have met in heaven and I wanna believe he's a good person, he has a good heart. I don't care if people say I'm naive or whatever but I wanna get to know him. I must get to know him.
Okay lah, aku dah nak tidur. Goodnight.
