Tengahari tadi, aku call mak aku dan antara benda yang aku cakap dengan mak aku, Tally.
Aku bagi tahu mak yang aku rasa Tally tak berminat dengan aku dan mak aku kata dekat aku, 'Mama bukan nak bagi harapan palsu dekat Blue tapi Mama rasa mungkin dia tak sangka Blue akan tegur dia and he freaked out.'
Aku pun tak nak get ahead of myself tapi aku rasa maybe, just maybe there's some truth to this sebab satu, sebelum aku cakap dengan dia, dia duduk pandang aku and I don't think you'd be staring at someone you don't like. Dua, kalau dia benci aku sangat, kenapa dia masih tak remove aku dekat LinkedIn? Mungkinlah dia akan simpan aku sampai dia graduate saja lepas tu dia remove aku atau dia nak bagi connections dia nampak ramai, aku pun tak tahulah.
Petang tadi, as usual, I took a walk. Sambil tu, aku dengar lagu Julien Baker - Something dan bagi aku, lagu tu perfectly describe situation aku dengan Tally tapi aku perasan yang aku dah tak fikir pasal dia as much as I used to. My mind was virtually empty and I could feel I'm losing interest in him. I'm not gonna lie, kalau dia cakap dengan aku, I'd fall in love with him all over again in a heartbeat but I'm not gonna be waiting for him any more. I've got to focus on myself and other people who are worthy of me.
So, kalau dia datang balik, great but if not, I'd just move on because I can't stay here. I know it's easier said than done and it's gonna take sometime. By the way, aku tak tahu nak react macam mana kalau dia datang balik. Should I ignore him or should I smile at him? Also, aku ada plan nak post dekat LinkedIn pasal play yang aku akan direct awal bulan depan, kalau play tu berjayalah dan aku nak tengok dia akan like ke tak post tu. Kalau dia like, memang dia nak toy with my feelings tapi kalau tak, I take it dia memang tak interested dengan aku.
Anyway, it's been nice knowing you. Macam lagu Gabrielle Aplin - November, 'you made me high then you swooped so low.' You're truly an enigma and at first, I was captivated by you, your beauty, the way you carry yourself but then I grew frustrated with your ambivalence. I can't take it any more so I must release myself. I'm still gonna pray for you, for your happiness, health, peace, safety and success because I truly love you, just like I do for my past loves whom I'm never meant to be together with and now you're one of them. It's gonna hurt when I see you with someone else but I believe, we don't have to be together to wish each other the best.
